We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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