sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
