he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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