Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
