Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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