Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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