yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize
