there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
