Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
