Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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