so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
