I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
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Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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