So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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