We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
