The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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