she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
