He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
