I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize