I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
