I could make wine with my vomit
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
