If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
