i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
