My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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