i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
