I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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