Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
