I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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