I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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