so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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