i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
