im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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