Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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