Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
