I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
