My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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