What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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