# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
