remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
