I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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