so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
