the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
