did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
