just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
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I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
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Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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