Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
