what day is it and did you see me today?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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