never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Even my vagina gasped.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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