He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
