2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
