I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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