So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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