It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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