she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
