how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It's Friday. Sex?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
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You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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