No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
