Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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