Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
