I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
