I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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