it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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