It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
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Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
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I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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