I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
