Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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