You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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