Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
