no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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