plz talk dirty to me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
