I have demons in me.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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