does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
where are you?
Hypothermia
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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