I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
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He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
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Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point