Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here