obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms