this beer tastes like vomit already
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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