You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles