Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
