if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space