wanna go halves on a baby?
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize