OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
