my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i now understand why vodka
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
