I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
